My Diet is Like My Cargo Pants

It’s not for anyone’s benefit but my own and someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.

Standing_FrogI am a Function-over-form person.  Skinny Jeans might be all the rage but they’re uncomfortable, so I refuse to wear them.  If someone wants look like a frog that’s standing up in the name of fashion, I certainly won’t stop them…it’s just not for me.  Cargo pants fit well and provide an extra set of pockets that are great for stashing water bottles, power/usb/network cables (for work), and occasionally serve as a place to stash my girlfriend’s stuff when she doesn’t want to bring along a purse.


The Fitting Room

You know when people say things like, “You should try this new Thing.  Everyone’s doing/wearing it.  It’s all the rage.”?
Doesn’t matter if it’s fashion, dieting, or left-handed badger-slapping (Is that a real thing?  Is that a euphemism?  I’ll let you decide.)…I’m only going to try something new if it seems like a healthy idea.  Slapping a badger upside the head definitely doesn’t seem like a wise idea and I won’t allow anyone to talk me into something I’m not comfortable with.

Warning: Do not try left-handed badger-slapping at home!

My momma taught me to remain independent way back when she asked me whether or not I’d jump off a bridge if all of my friends were doing it.  Not that I wouldn’t…I totally would because I enjoy the rush.  I’m just saying that my decision to temporarily fly would have nothing to do with peer pressure.
My diet is the same way.  Again, I’m referring specifically to the peer pressure angle.

I’m not the sort of person to go on a Keto diet just because some Yoga Guru in Los Angeles says it’ll re-center my Chi and Rock(ra) my Chakras.  Paleo Diet?  No thanks…I already have a pasty-white complexion.  Atkins?  I admit that the idea of being on a highly carnivorous diet is appealing, but I don’t want to treat carbs like they’re a temptation by Satan.

Going Vegetarian, Pescatarian, or full-on Vegan is never going to be an option for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE cows…I just can’t eat a whole one by myself all in one sitting.  For some, it’s a lifestyle choice that makes sense and they feel at peace with it.  For me, it’s anathema.

I chose Weight Watchers over some other alternatives primarily because it doesn’t specifically forbid any particular kind of food.  It’s all about moderation and optimizing foods that are healthier, rather than flat-out banning starches, or proteins, or carbs, or whatever.  The list of foods I’ll eat is already short enough.  I don’t need to further limit it in order to adhere to a particular diet.

Elastic Waist(bands)

Cheat days?  Meh.  More like “Even More Free-er Style” days, amirite? 😉
Look, I know I’ll probably catch flak for this as well as the “I wear cargo pants” thing…but I refuse to feel any guilt if I fall off the wagon (or is it a gravy train?) while dieting.  It was a conscious decision to do so and was most likely for a reason that I could legitimize to myself.  A diet should be as dynamic as the rest of life.  Some days will be really good.  Some days, not so good.  I like having the elasticity of being able to over-indulge on occasion without beating myself up about it.

SilenceTheCrowd says it best in his blog, “Fat is not permanent.  You are not fat, you have fat.”

It’s a liberating, functional way of thinking about my body because at the very core of my decision to lose weight, this is the way I think about myself.  I am not fat…I just have some extra weight I’m carrying around with me that I want to get rid of.  I also turn 40 this year, but am not yet ready to finally start “acting my age,” or whatever it is these adults keep nagging at me to do.

Feast-time Fencing over who gets first dibs on the dinner rolls.

I Wear The Pants In My Relationship (With Dieting)

At the very heart of things, the diet plan is just a tool.  I’m in charge of whether or not that tool is used properly.  If I decide to just NOT track a meal because it’s super-fattening or whatever, that’s a decision I made.  If I eat it, and track it, and it throws my daily/weekly points waaaaaay off, that’s also a decision.  Either way, I am responsible.  It’s my own fault for going over, not the diet plan’s.  If I decide to pass up on the mozzarella sticks as an appetizer in favor of a salad (with dressing on the side), that is also a decision I make and I reap the same set of benefits or consequences.  Points saved or points gained…it’s all within my control.

Do you ever decide NOT to track a zero-point food item?  Like, when I have a cup of coffee for breakfast.  No cream, no sugar (yeah, I actually drink mine this way and I know…I’m weird).  Zero points.  Unsweet Iced Tea is also zero points.  What’s the point in adding that in the WW app?  It’s JUST an empty line item, right?  If it doesn’t count, why track it?  For me, it’s the same principle as tracking (or not) something that goes WAAAAAY overboard on points.  I make a conscious decision whether or not to omit something from the list, but either way…I know what I did.  Usually, the only reason something is omitted is because I forgot to add it.

Like the 24-point White Girl special at Starbucks that, for some people, is practically ALL of their daily points!



Extra Pocketses

As I said earlier, I like the extra functionality of cargo pants pockets.  They don’t have to be flashy or stylish.  Simple and to my taste is all I am truly concerned about.  I’m that way about food, too.  My 2-Point Pocketses meal, for example.  There’s nothing outlandishly different or unique about it.  It’s simple to make, easy on the wallet, and tastes amazingly good for what little work went into fixing it.  I’ll leave the intricate dishes (and the badger-slapping) to the professionals.